Update

Sam and I have been researching my surgery quite a bit lately. We went as far as watching one being done on YouTube. It didn't scare me...in fact, it fascinates me and makes me less anxious because I at least know what they are going to do! My doctor puts out a publication that I am supposed to read about what to do before, and what to expect after surgery. I think the after surgery stuff is more frightening! I cannot cross the imaginary line in the middle of our body, bend more than 90 degrees or extend my leg out to the side for 6-8 weeks after surgery. No driving, no stairs...I am going to really have to allow myself to depend on people for help. Now this shouldn't be hard for anyone to do, and it is something I have challenged myself to get better at!!! Because if I don't let someone help me, I am stopping them from serving and maybe using their God given talent. I suppose I can't always be the one to take care of people.

Anyway! My doctor said that my surgery should be within the month! It's all in Tricare's hands now. If they take their time, of course that will change timing...I will have the first available surgery appointment after the auth is approved! I will update soon!

Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow I have a big appointment! It is with my orthopedic surgeon, and she'll be letting me know when the big day is! Surgery day, that is! I am not too nervous, just kind of anxious to get it scheduled and DONE!!!!

I don't have too much to say today...

the storm

It has been a few days since my last post. I have had a hard time being motivated to do much of anything because my pain is getting worse, as each day goes by. I am trying really hard to keep busy and fool my mind into thinking I feel find...Mind over matter! Not working too well for me though! :/

I don't know about you, but music is a huge part of my day! I listen to it in the car, when I clean the house, when I do my devotions, and sometimes even just to listen to it. There are a lot of songs out there that have touched my heart, and I will probably touch base on others at a later time! Today, and the past few days, it is Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns. I posted the lyrics at the bottom of this post, and also a link to the video...It's worth listening to once, and if you don't think so, it only cost you less than 5 minutes! ;)

So, Man...I almost feel like I am needing to write this to myself today! All of the pain and depression and everything going on, is acting as a black hole, sucking me in and creating this downward spiral. The only thing that can really help me out of it, is laying it all down at God's feet and letting go! This song gives me peace...

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw

Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD, and I will sing praises to Your name ... Psalm 18:49

Serenity Prayer

I was reading an article somewhere and it was talking about breaking down the serenity prayer and concentrating on each separate part, in order to take in all God has to offer! I recited the prayer once to myself, and it made me realize that this is a prayer I need to pray more often!!!


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change! I think I touched base on this before, but this is so important and keeps being brought up to me. We don't have to be happy with the circumstances that we are in, the status of our health, our finances; whatever it may be! We do however need to realize that we don't have or want control of any of our issues. We need to give control to God so He can help us! And if it means accepting the fact that we need to let it go, so be it!


The courage to change the things I can! I really like that the word courage is used in this part! Any change is difficult and it takes a lot of dedication and sometimes it even takes falling on your face and getting back up again (a couple times sometimes), before you really make the change or form the habit.


And the wisdom to know the difference! Wisdom...Need I say much more than that?? We all lack it at times, we all want it and we all need it! We need to take the time to pray that God will help us to recognize the things that we can control, and things we can't, things we can change, things we can't! The more we pray for this, the better our day to day decision making is going to be. I think it will also help create a cycle... Prayer for wisdom leads to acceptance, acceptance helps creates courage, courageousness helps create necessary change, this change makes you thankful for wisdom and you pray for more!


Of course this is my take! I would love to hear back from you on this or whatever else you have to say...

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to them.

James 3:17

Alternatives...

I am heading to the nutritionist this morning. She is going to look over my food diary from this past week and help me to adjust my diet to help my body, my pain...

I am also looking into other alternative paths; acupuncture, acupressure, massage, chiropractics. All of this will come after my next orthopedics appointment though, because we have to pay for all of this out of pocket, and my thinking is that it will be better to start after surgery as a therapeutic thing...as opposed to starting it and not having a chance to really know if it will work before the surgery is done.

I am researching other stuff as well...Anyone have anything?

He Will

I got some great advice from a friend the other day...to never be sorry about how I am feeling. I tend to put a lot of people's feelings ahead of mine and so my feelings just get pushed to the side to just simmer away. After a while, one of two things seem to happen...Either they evaporate to nothing and it's like they were never felt, or the eventually reach a boiling point and I feel everything all at once and I am a hurricane of emotions all at once! I have seen the same cycle with my pain.

My doctors have told me that pain is going to be a part of my life and that acceptance and moving on is going to be a part of the key to feeling better. "You need to live your life everyday, as you would if you weren't in pain." Really? How do I do that?

The laws of attraction talks about how if we believe positively, positive things can and will happen. And, of course, it goes the other way as well...Negative thought create a downward spiral. For every negative thought that comes to mind, I am going to think 2 positive thoughts! Hopefully after a while they will all be taken over!

NOW, you all know me and should know that I am not led by the laws of attraction. ;) I know that the biggest thing that will help me is spending time with God. Prayer changes things! I have to step out in faith and trust that God has my back and will continue to walk with me through this! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

This is the next step on my journey...We'll see how this goes. Please be praying for me, and don't hesitate to let me know how to pray for you! I love praying for people and helping in any way I can! <3

The Secret

Another part of my homework for therapy was to watch a documentary called, "The Secret." It was pretty good and I can see why she had me watch it for sure...It was all about the laws of attraction and how our thoughts control who and what we become and how we feel. There were tons of really good quotes by really well known people. One stuck out to me that I though I would touch on today.

"Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right."

Henry Ford (1863-1947)

I don't know about you, but that made me take a breath! The power of our thinking is a powerful thing. I think sometimes even more powerful than words of other people. Often times when people say things to us, we can let it go, but when they are our own thoughts, they just get either deeper and deeper or bigger and bigger. Hmm...Hoping that makes sense! :)

I want to add this quote to my vision board. I think that I need to change my way of thinking. My life verse is Philippians 4:13, and says "I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength." If I keep that frame of mind, perhaps I will start feeling better, and God will be able to fully heal me!!!

Cooking to heal?

So, During the past year or so, I have started to really love cooking. And not just opening a package and preparing it (not that there is anything wrong with this of course), but actually creating recipes and such.

Today I was having A day!!!! I was hurting and I was edgy and I just felt like I was overwhelmed. Well, when it was time to cook dinner, I settled in the kitchen and a calmness seemed to settle on me. I came up with a pretty yummy recipe too! Coconut Chicken!

I am not able to do much with my hips the way they are right now, and with the other issues going on right now. I think that God has revealed to me a talent that will be easy for me to use no matter what and that really does help me feel better. Maybe not physically, but emotionally or something :)

Do you have something like this?

So yesterday was plain and simply not a good day. I am thankful the Lord gave me it, but even more thankful it over!!! :) Some days are just going to be better than others!!!

I am trying something new...everyday, before I even get out of bed, I am going to say a prayer of thanksgiving! There are so many things that I am thankful for right now, they are just overflowing my heart. If I can START my day taking notice of all the blessings in my life, my days could go that much better!


A few things I am thankful for today...


1. A new day
2. 12 years with my hubby
3. My father in law is OK
4. My kids behaved for my friend Bridget yesterday!
5. A weekend with nothing much planned!
6. I am surrounded by great friends and family
7. HE loves me!

There's so much more!!! What's on your list???

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the LORD is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100:4-5

Footprints in the Sand

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed! Caught up in everything that is going on around me! As the pain gets worse and the doctors are able to do less and less, I tend to feel more isolated and alone and depressed and HEAVY! We have all been there!

I posted the poem Footprints In The Sand today. It is on my vision board because Jesus promised to never leave me or forsake me! And He cares for me. One of my favorite passages of the poem is...

"You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, that You would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have been only one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you." (Mary Stevenson)

I know that this is "just" a poem that someone has written, but the truth that it brings, is so important. He helps to carry you through the trials and walks with you through the good times in life. He's ALWAYS there!

Be Strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord you God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Faith like a child!

So, I saw this picture online today, and it co-insides with a little clip I have on my board, about leaning on God! The clipping says, "As you relax in the comfort of stretching, imagine relaxing in God's embrace." Then looking at the picture I posted today, it reminded me of how Jesus said "Let all the little children come to me!" He loved them and embraced them and I could just imagine Jesus watching that little girl swinging all afternoon!

So this is just a short entry this morning, but I guess what came to mind, is that if we get back to having faith like a child, run back into Jesus' arms, cast our cares upon Him because he cares for us...we will grow closer to Him and He will help us through our journey.

Relax

"If God expected us to get everything done today...He wouldn't have made tomorrow!" I really Love this! And you know what I LOVE even more?? When you open the card, it says, "Relax and enjoy His goodness today!"

I can't tell you how many days, especially in this last week, that I just wanted to just count all of the bad things that have piled up on my plate! LOL! If you are on my facebook, you might have seen I had a status along those lines. I tend to forget, and a lot of us do, that the good things in life SURELY outweigh the trials and the trials often end up making us stronger and teaching us the fruits of the spirit. We become more like Christ.

Something else that I have learned from this little card, is that I don't have to get everything done today...Obviously there are things that I am going to want to get done. But I need to make my priorities. Don't fill my days. I can't I get too tired :)

O God...Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.

Psalm 84:9, 10 NIV

It's Gotta get better from here...

A little background.

About 9 years ago, I started having aching in my hips and lower back. So, I was also having babies and gaining the weight that sometimes comes with it. As the years went on the pain got increased little by little, however something more important was going on (sincerely) and the pain was "tolerable" so I just pushed it off to the back burner.

About 2 1/2 years ago, doctors in San Diego found "the" source of my pain while doing an xray for another issue. I have what is called protrusio acetabuli. My hips have migrated into my pelvis, and are continuing to do so, slowly but surely. I was sent to the orthopaedic surgeon and he said that the only treatment would be surgery. Hip replacement surgery. Whoa!

So, I moved here to Washington, and the weather is very harsh on me. I am in a lot of pain. Most days I am a 7/10, and some days up to a 9/10. Come to find out (through the dedication of a lot of great docs out here) that I have fibromyalgia, moderate-severe osteoarthritis in the hips and spine, degenerative disk disease throughout my spine, osteopenia in my hips and spine...the list goes on. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist for depression that patterns with my pain. They are encouraging me in my habit/attitude changes!

I titled the blog, Pain Today, What Tomorrow?, because this is my journey and I although I don't know what tomorrow holds, I am confident that it can get better. I just did my vision board (I'll post pics soon).

I am going to try and at least hit one point on my board everyday...Maybe it is something I am struggling with at the moment...Maybe something I can check off my list so to speak.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon and learn from me, for am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.