Me: "I use to throw up."
Doc: "Bulimia? How long ago?"
Me: "Off and on since I was 11."
Me: "Oh, no, not now. It's been about 6 years."
Doc: "A lot of your issues with weight and self confidence and definitely your dental issues all make a little more sense."
Me: It's a constant battle that I wish I could say I never think about.
Doc: It's like any other addiction. You were addicted to a behavior and eventually quit doing it. Did you ever get treatment for it. Ever talk to anyone about it?
Me: No. Maybe it's time.
This was a conversation my doctor and I had just the other day. It may be shock to some of you, I know it was for my mom. I am not proud of my self image or the choices that I made.
My reason for writing is just to remind you all that things from your past do affect you NOW. There are so many healthy ways to take care of your body, to lose weight and to feel beautiful. Also, most importantly, look at yourself as God sees you. He has made you in His image. There's no such thing as human perfection, so there's no sense in striving for it, especially in unhealthy ways.
Bulimia is a real problem. A disease. It can happen to girls and boys, men and women. When I first started, I was a "tiny" 6th grader who had tinier friends. Now looking back, I know it's a lame excuse. As an older teen, I did it for weight maintainance. And as am adult, looking at my life, I have no excuse. I have a husband who lives me and truly loves and accepts me for who I am. I guess I just find it so hard to look in the mirror and see beyond the physical.
This is something I am going to work in with my therapist, and hopefully it won't be an issue ever again. I want to be an example to my nieces and especially to my sons, but I can't be that until I get everything right with me.
For those who may speculate, this had nothing to do with my weight loss this past year. It has been 6 years since I have purged and I am in a coherent place now...just need to get a little bit further.
Enough for now. Thanks for reading.